I always live by example. Everything I share with you is because I live it, and I know it.
So before I go on, I want to tell you more about my story. My NEW story. One influenced by fitness, and getting in touch with my divine feminine energy in the process.
How I Discovered Feminine Energy – The New Life in My Fitness Journey
The Next Chapter…
I think it’s time to humanize me again. Getting back to my roots so to speak.
Maybe this is a cathartic attempt to get back to what’s familiar.
Blogging. Sharing my personal story and experiences.
Maybe it’s an attempt to figure out my life along the way. All while hashing out that drivel with words.
But what I am here to say is that I’m back – and here to stay.
Open-hearted and ready to share my world, once again.
I’ll be honest…
I’m not the woman you may have met many years ago.
I guess this story would need me to go back a few years so that you can understand.
The NPC to IFBB Pro Journey
10 years ago, I embarked on a journey to become a competitor.
For years and years I dreamed of gracing the stage. My muscle bound body, feminine, strong, athletic, admired…
From day 1, I wanted to be a pro. I wanted to be an Olympian.
Through many ups and downs…
I made it.
I saw those dreams become my reality. And it was exhilarating.
Many of you walked that journey with me.
You were a part of the triumphs, felt my joy and pain in the process.
I’ll tell you what…
Being an IFBB Pro was a crazy wake up call for me.
Back in the 90s, the only way to have a viable fitness career in the media was mostly through being a pro.
Or at least a competitor, and even a celebrity of some sorts.
But the game changed when social media exploded onto the scene.
My initial intention was always to compete, get into magazines, write articles, do health/fitness correspondence work for the news, and just be a personality in fitness.
All of that driven by my platform of being a pro.
Funny enough it all came crashing down when I turned pro, got all the way to the Olympia, and realized I needed none of that to create the career I wanted in fitness on a grander scale.
A World of Smoke and Mirrors
Being a pro wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.
I got to the top of the sport to find that none of that mattered.
All of the things I thought I needed to have for the career goals I wanted, well I realized they weren’t even needed.
Literally, by 2015 nobody cared what accomplishments you’ve made in the sport.
It only opened marginal doors within the industry.
Things like follower counts, pretty pictures, a nice face and decent body seemed to be what most people gravitated towards.
No substance even needed!
As great as that was, as far as opportunities it provided, I was already on course with the road I had started.
What was even worse for me, was that I started making major sacrifices and decisions that pushed my personal boundaries.
My body was beginning to morph into a shape that I never really set out to create.
I experimented with substances I never said I’d touch.
My life became out of balance as I chased trophies and placings on the stage.
Points to qualify for a show nobody in the industry even really followed in my division…
Yes, The Olympia.
(Women’s Physique is still relegated to the side show “exhibition” stage – not the main stage. Even after being in existence nearly 7 years now.)
I observed how rapidly the division was changing.
The women getting bigger and harder.
The drugs needed to be competitive become a necessary part of the equation.
My division, women’s physique, was created to allow women to step on stage without the need to do all of that.
To get a little bigger than figure, all while maintaining our femininity.
That was a MAJOR factor to me. Something that meant everything to me.
I’ve always valued my femininity, and I didn’t realize how, slowly, I was losing that.
In 2015, the writing was on the wall.
It was time to quit. Time to move on. And time to retire, almost prematurely from the sport I grew to love.
All because I was unwilling to no longer do “whatever it takes” to win.
I was tired.
And… I was lost.
My Life Went Into a Tailspin
It’s amazing how much of ourselves is identified by the titles we hold.
Up to that point in my life, I lost all of the titles that defined me.
- Dancer – retired.
- Actress – retired.
- Commercial model – retired.
- Competitor – retired.
When those were gone I lost a major part of who I was.
I also strangely created this super aggressive persona that came out of my pursuit of the bodybuilding world.
To this day, it’s hard for me to look at myself during the period of time between 2013 and 2017.
I’m this crazily driven, hard edged, “in your face” woman that honestly I’ve never actually been in my life.
My best friend says that the more aggressive persona emerged when I started to experiment with certain substances.
Which I can definitely agree with.
I had never done anything “major”, a few pills popped here or there. But it really changed me in a way I only now see in hindsight.
If you’ve ever changed your life, looked back at old pics of yourself, and realize that that’s not you…
That spectre of the past is a completely different person than you are now…
Yeah, that’s how I feel.
My NEW Path in My Fitness Journey – Staying Fabulous Over 40
I guess we can say that here is where I want to open up to where I am in this current day.
A new page.
Fitness is OF COURSE a major part of my life. But it’s now simply in a new way.
I’m turning 40 THIS YEAR!
DUDE! How the hell did I get here?!
What I do know is that I have a fire back, a pep in my step, and a renewed sense of self that I know is valuable to someone in the world.
I’ve always known my purpose on this planet is to simply inspire.
And I want to continue on this path.
So from here forward, I plan to share this new leg of my journey.
My diet, my training, and just my life.
Particularly as a woman transitioning into middle age, and ready to explore a new world of fabulous driven by fitness – in this new decade I’ve yet to design.
I want to invite you along on this ride.
So buckle up.
And let’s continue to rock and roll.