The amazing beauty in finding yourself is a journey that can’t be described with words.
I spent 2 years in a depression, fighting with myself trying to figure out who I was without titles… No more dancer, actress, competitor, IFBB pro.
I was officially retired from those identities that defined me. And I was left with just ME.
To tell you the truth, I didn’t know who the hell I was. It took some courage in me not allowing myself to get lost in a dark abyss.
And really, I almost did.
So today, I want to discuss how I made my way out… And what you can do to help redefine yourself at a point in life where you may have felt you’ve lost everything that once defined old versions on you. But more importantly, how to do it through self-care and incorporating fitness.
What Exactly IS a Bad Bitch?
Before I get into HOW to become one, let’s define what and who she is in the context of this article.
I want to define a Bad Bitch as the best, highest functioning, self-aware, grounded, fun, sexy, smart, feminine, owning-your-magic, holding-your-grace, highly refined, feeling-yourself, and making “NO apologizes about it” self.
It’s not about how much you’re making, the possessions you own, or any of that material stuff.
For us, being a BAD BITCH is ALL about feeling, being, and living in the best version of yourself NATURALLY and INSTINCTIVELY. You know who you are, you make no apologies for it, and you know that you are always evolving to that next level.
So now that that’s out of the way – let’s continue on and discuss 5 easy tips you can start to apply right now to become that Bad Bitch you KNOW you can be.
Becoming That Bad Bitch Step 1: Put You First
Let me ask you this question… Who comes first in YOUR life.
Many women will say God. Family. Significant Other. Kids. Education. Career.
While I can agree on one of those, God first – but that’s my personal belief system, and I know not everyone believes in that. But even if you do, what’s next on the list? Well, I’m going to tell you right now, if YOU aren’t first priority – sister, that’s where you’re going all wrong.
You know what, we’ve been conditioned as women to embrace the struggle, and to be strong, and to be superwomen, and ALL OF THESE THINGS that FIRST REQUIRE WE TAKE CARE OF US.
Society has you believing that putting YOU first is selfish. Nuh uh honey, it’s self-LESS.
Because when you can stand in your own power, and truly know who you are, truly feel your strength from within, and gather all of that in a way that requires you to make sure you are taken care of FIRST – you can THEN be there to carry everyone else.
I tell you what…
I was one of those women who put everyone else’s needs before mine. I took the time to make sure my family was happy, my friends were happy, my education was on point, my career ambitions where on point. That I was always WINNING. But what lacked in all of that was taking care of Roxie.
Making sure she was ok.
I’d put things off for other people because I wanted to be the helper, the fixer, the savior. But what ended up happening was that eventually, I lost myself. And it wasn’t until I took a step back, took my power back, and allowed myself to make sure that I was good – before stepping out to help everyone else… That’s when I was really truly able to shine.
And it’s hard to do at first. That means that you will sometimes have to say no to certain things, or I can do it, but it will take me X amount of time before I can show up as I have to do this other thing first… It will take truly being able to identify what situations truly do need you immediately, and ones that can take a brief step back until you are grounded and ready to GO!
Trust me though, the more you can practice this, the easier it will become. And the more you’ll start to see that woman you KNOW you can be starting to shine through.
Becoming That Bad Bitch Step 2: Your Feelings Matter
I think that this is a REALLY important one…
How many times do you push your feelings away, invalidate them, or tell yourself to suck it up when you really want to just scream, shout, let it ALL out?
There is NOTHING worse for your health than to bottle everything up. Keep it inside – letting it fester. In fact, this is the number one cause of stress, anxiety, depression and more.
Holding onto that facade that you have to be the strong one.
Well, guess what, Wonder Woman is a beloved character for many women who live the fit life… But even she had her moments of vulnerability and emotion. And at the end of the day – she isn’t real.
But YOU are.
And acknowledging that you aren’t always going to be happy 100% of the time. Acknowledging that you ARE a whole human with complex emotions and feelings, and being ok with expressing that is important for your overall health and sanity.
Instead of bottling up emotions, take a moment to regroup, think, and process. Then react accordingly.
If that means that you confront someone about how they made you feel – then give yourself the time and space to do so.
I remember being the throws of that depression I was caught up in, and how I just felt bad all the time. Mentally foggy, I didn’t have the drive to do what I wanted to do in my life.
A lot of what helped me to stay grounded, I’m about to hit up in a minute.
But what really was a game changer for me was acknowledging my feelings. It was being ok with NOT being ok. It was admitting to those that I love that I wasn’t happy. And it was in admitting to MYSELF that I am NOT ok that was the biggest game changer – for me.
Eventually, I was able to work myself back onto my feet.
Thankfully, I did it without medication and instead did it through willing myself, changing my perspective, respecting my feelings, accepting where I was, and then putting a game plan together to take my life back.
Let’s discuss that now…
Becoming That Bad Bitch Step 3: Take It To The Iron
I don’t know when I came up with that phrase “Take It To The Iron”. (Sidenote: I should probably trademark that term and sell it on t-shirts, lol.)
But this became my solace and my sanity.
Here’s a little factoid about training: it increases those feel-good hormones in the body.
Those feel-good hormones are basically endorphins. And you know what those basically are? Endogenous opioids!
So basically, all of those pills that the doctor would prescribe to someone dealing with depression, well the same kind of effect can be seen when you exercise. So it’s no wonder you usually feel good after doing it.
And I know that the hardest thing to do sometimes is to show up at the gym when you’re not feeling yourself. But I’m going to tell you one thing… This is the way you get to find yourself and start feeling whole again.
Whenever my clients come to me in a rut and feeling unmotivated – I coach them to do one thing and one thing only…
TAKE IT TO THE IRON.
To consciously and actively GET UP. Put on their gym clothes. Show up at that gym with their notebook in hand and workout for the day.
Carry on their shoulders the weight of the world. Whatever feelings and emotion they have that day, to ACKNOWLEDGE IT, accept it, and make it their training partner for the day.
Then the next thing they do is the MOST crucial part of the equation…
THEY SHOW UP AND GO FUCKING BEAST!
They take all of that pent-up emotion and put it into every set, every rep, every exercise they hit. They look that feeling in the eyes and they make the decision then and there to OWN THEM, to not apologize for them, and to do everything in their power to ERADICATE them.
Try it! I promise you it works so incredibly well.
Because now that you have had this amazingly charged up workout, you’ve not only burned a ton of calories, but you’ve also kicked your body’s endorphin system into full drive. So you’ll actually feel BETTER than when you came in.
I cannot tell you how many times I have felt like utter emotional shit but SHOWED UP ANYWAY.
Sometimes one workout would be better than others, but the fact that I did it, and that I showed up for ME, helped tremendously.
Helped to find some true clarity. And helped me to own my emotional health.
So to you, I say, don’t skip that workout. Because at the end of the day, this too shall pass. Wouldn’t you rather be ahead of the game, and even if your body doesn’t make significant changes in this time, to say that you were able to at least maintain, and not be thrown completely off your game… You still win at the end of the day.
That Bad Bitch that you see in your mind’s eye – wouldn’t she be so grounded and healthily self-focused to be able to do the same? Exactly, so for you – it starts NOW.
Becoming That Bad Bitch Step 4: Own Your Glow Up
There’s another aspect of self-transformation that I do want to discuss with you, and it comes from being ok to do the things YOU want to do to feel amazing.
What you need to keep in mind is that there are no rules as to how you can become your best self. You get to create it, you get to define. But I want to share with you have to do it from a fitness total lifestyle approach.
So here are some ways to own your glow up through fitness, beauty, and health:
- Make a commitment to eat better, and nourish your body through the foods you eat.
- Promise yourself to eat 2-3 servings of fruit each day.
- Commit to making sure to have 3-4 servings of fibrous veggies each day.
- I like to have a hearty breakfast, a midday salad w/ protein or soup, and then a nice savory dinner. Sometimes top it with dessert! Try it!
- Get your water in any way you can. More in equals more out – aim for up to 1 gallon per day.
- Instead of snacking when stressed, get active! Go for a quick walk. Do some planks and running in place. Do things that will burn calories vs add more inches to your waist.
- Fuck haters – wear your lipstick to the gym if that makes YOU feel good.
- Don’t show up to the gym in your tattered rags. Put on something that makes YOU feel confident, comfortable, and pleasing every time you look in the mirror.
- Do self-care things for yourself on a daily to weekly basis: get a massage or a facial. Do your nails. Do self-primping like face sheet masks or deep conditioning your hair. Take care of those parts of you that are important to you.
- Switch up your workouts so that YOU feel inspired to stay active and do it in ways you enjoy.
These are all just small examples. But if you start to one by one own them, and even further define those things that are important to YOU… That’s when your groove comes back like Stella got hers! Only, it wasn’t some man that helped you to find it… It was your wonderful self! It’s getting connected to YOU. And when you master that – that’s when your confidence will start to soar!
Becoming That Bad Bitch Step 5: Thou Shall Respect Your Gym Time
The final tip I want to share today is to become your personal scripture…
Your gym time is SACRED.
That means that, with the exception of true emergencies, nothing stands in your way between you and the gym.
I cannot stress enough how this single shift in your mindset and the way you approach your fitness – by putting it first priority on your schedule is so crucial.
I’ll let you in on a little secret…
Monday through Friday NOBODY can book a time on my schedule between 11am and 1pm Pacific Standard Time.
That’s because that is my designated gym/workout time. It doesn’t matter who needs it, nor who wants it. I am simply not available.
In fact, ALL of my calendars have this blocked out where it can’t even be requested, and I structure my day around it. I take my “me” time THAT seriously.
And I want you to shift perspective in that same exact way.
Go to your calendar – RIGHT NOW – and block off your gym time as a standing appointment. And just like doctor’s appointment or anything else important YOU.SHOW.UP!
Now there may be some of you who read this who are like, “yeah simple for you Rox. But I have a crazy schedule.” Guess what… That’s fine!
Instead what you’re going to do is figure that out week by week as you know your schedule, or even day by day if you need to keep it THAT flexible. And if you feel like you’re in a bind where you have crazy work hours, and you can’t get it in that day – don’t fret.
Push it to the next day instead.
Look, you don’t have to go to the gym daily! If you can simply get a walk or run in, or even do a little something from home, it all counts. Get it where you can fit it. But no matter what, show up and do SOMETHING. Even it that means a simple 2 or 3 times a week when you are really swamped – MAKE IT HAPPEN. Don’t make excuses.
If you apply this ONE thing out of all the tips I shared with you today – this will literally be the one to keep you on track even when you think it’s impossible.
Wrapping Things Up…
I really hope that today’s topic really inspires you to continue to move forward, find some clarity, and bring out your absolute best.
Being a true Bad Bitch is really how you personally define you performing, living, and loving yourself at your best. Regardless of income level, regardless of education level, regardless to the things that are sometimes associated as what denotes the term.
The best thing about your self-restoration, exploration, and re-creation is that you can do it even more powerfully by embracing a healthy lifestyle, and make your fitness the absolute center of that.
My exclusive coaching program is for women just like you who know that you need something MORE than someone sending you a meal plan and a training program.
It’s for women who are ready to make a total transformation from inside out, and who want to do it in the smartest, safest, and the sanest way possible.
More importantly, it’s for women who are willing to put in the work, show up, invest in themselves, and learn something in the process so they can become truly independent in their fitness journey.