You know, it’s always been very important to me to share my story. Especially now that I know that so much is changing in my life.
It’s affecting and effecting all aspects of it.
My personal life.
My business.
The way I move about in the world.
The truth is that I have something to say. And it’s a message greater than I can even really comprehend at times.
It’s hard though.
When you feel like you’re screaming into a vacuum, wondering if anyone can hear you. If there is anyone out there.
I’m at that point right now. But I feel like it’s because I’m on the verge of truly rendering myself vulnerable. To bring you into MY truth.
There’s just so much I have to say.
That I want to say.
But have no real words to amass what’s in my soul. What I do know is this….
Like a phoenix rising through the ashes, a fire has been set ablaze inside of me. And it’s one so great that I don’t even know how to contain it.
All I can do is let it burn this whole mutha-fukka down, and build a new queedom from the rubble.
And so that’s where we will begin this story.
Closing in On 39
I’ll be honest. I’m not sure when I envisioned my life, that I actually saw myself HERE.
In fact, nope. Never actually envisioned this reality.
That reality for me is one where 4 years ago I dropped every title I ever associated with my identity.
When the things that I did for a living, for a passion, for a hobby – well they were essentially who I was.
Dancer.
Actress.
Competitor.
All gone in the blink of an eye, and at my choosing.
And if I can be fully honest with you – it was all by choice because I felt each of those phases in my life coming to dusk.
A new dawn was awaiting, and I really didn’t know what it was going to be.
Yet here I am.
LITERALLY writing a new chapter in my life. Standing at the closing of the one I created for my 3rd decade on this planet.
As I look towards my 4th, I see a world that I get to create in my own hands. At my own will. And my own choosing.
It’s Fitness, It’s Love, It’s Abundance – and Damn It, It’s Living MY Best Life
“The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman is seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides. True beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It’s the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows and the beauty of a woman only grows with passing years.” – Audrey Hepburn
I love that quote.
And that’s just it really.
You ever get to a point in your life where you yearn for more. More than you are right now, and the prospects of truly blossoming into your fullest potential is so intoxicating?
That’s where I am now.
When I laid to rest my titles, I had to relearn routine and create a new normal for myself.
Fitness has, and will ALWAYS have a crucial and primary space in my heart.
But working out to me now is driven by so much…
Joy.
Like, although right now, in this current state of my life, I am trying to actively change my body. I want to lose inches on my hips, thighs and waist. But the quest doesn’t consume me.
Instead, I take it day by day.
I eat better. I eat less. I’ve got a flexible meal planning approach to my diet.
Ok… Truth be told, I’m a little too flexible so I’m going to go meal plan a bit until I reach my goal.
I had a point with my workouts where I haven’t been as consistent as I know I need to be.
And really it’s my fault. Letting work and other obligations stand in my way.
I laugh because I give my clients this very lecture. About making time for the things which are most important to us, and protecting that time with a fierce set of boundaries and standards.
Well, here I stand ready to put my money where my mouth is, and lead by example on this front.
So, the commitment I have for myself is training 4 days a week in the gym.
And enjoying other activities outside of the 4 walls of the sweat box, that make me move and warms my soul.
You see, in order to achieve goals, not all extremes are necessary. This is a lesson I’ve had to learn, and relearn, time and again in my own fitness journey.
Relinquishing the “all or nothing’ mentality.
I feel better for it.
Happier.
Content on many fronts.
And now… Driven to push for a new personal best in my 40s.
Which leads to my next thing…
The Bucket List – 40 By 40
So here it is!
My #40by40 bucket list.
I got the inspiration from Brooke Baldwin (CNN), and I thought what a way to celebrate a milestone.
So much of my life is slower now.
My main goals in life are intrinsic.
To experience and give joy. To continually impact and inspire the lives of others, as I experience the same from the world around me.
Experience love in all forms, and to simply enjoy each day before the final one arrives.
I realize I have lived in LA 11 years come June 30th, and I have yet to experience ALL this city has to offer.
So for 60 days, leading up to my bday in Aug, I am going on a mini adventure around my city.
I’ll be spending time in NY in Aug, so I’ll finish off my bucket list with 10 pleasures that I’ve yet to experience (or wish to re-experience) in my hometown.
I’m sharing this here to keep me accountable and to mark it as my mini adventure I’m committing to, and look forward to sharing with you.
Actually…
I have 2 more things I need to do that I haven’t yet. Any suggestions?
So here they are – in no particular order…
1. Visit Catalina Island
2. Ride a horse along the Hollywood sign (Sunset Ranch Hollywood)
3. Gaze stars at Griffith Park Observatory.
4. Go to Disneyland and hug Mickey!
5. Book a vintage inspired photoshoot for my big bday
6. Jump out of an airplane
7. Go on a helicopter ride around LA
8. Go to Malibu Safari Wine
9. Slide down the glass slide at Skyspace
10. Swing Trapeze over Santa Monica
11. Shop on Olivera St
12. Go to the Last Bookstore
13. Order milkshake and silver dollar pancakes at Fountain Coffee Bar
14. Take a ravioli making class
15. Do LA walking tour with LA Conservancy
16. Beverly Hills Hotel Poolside lunch
17. Watch Shakespeare in the Park LA Pericles (in Aug)
18. Visit Getty Villa
19. Visit Getty Center
20. Eat ALL THE THINGS at Smorgasburg LA!
21. Do the Music Box Loop – Stair Hike
22. Hike Runyon!
23. Take on the sand dunes
24. Visit Venice Canals
25. Do a gondolas d’amour ride around Marina del Rey/Venice Canals
26. Visit Greystone Mansion
27. Check out Watts Tower
28. Tour ALL the movie studios
29. Attend a Hollywood Bowl Concert (Dudamel!)
30. Attend Walt Disney Hall Concert (LA Phil)
31. Go to the top of the Statue of Liberty
32. Take the ferry to Staten Island!
33. Eat Cannolis on Mulberry Street
34. Boat ride around Central Park Lake
35. Visit Ellis Island
36. Enjoy afternoon tea at The Plaza Hotel
37. Write a letter to myself to be opened in 5 years. And write a letter to my 5 year old self.
38. Write a letter to the most influential people in my life, thanking them for their presence and impact.
39 and 40… TBD! (Help!)
My Goal Right Now…
To simply live my life to it’s greatest. To reach my own personal greatness.
In so many ways, I feel I already have.
But in so many others, I feel I have yet to see it.
Yet to write that chapter.
Isn’t that the best part of it though? Of life?
To be able to realize that you always hold the pen, and thus the power to draft the story and edit as you please.
So here’s my turn.
As I take my fountain pen, dip it in ink, and take to parchment and spin the story which I hope simply inspires.
Inspires other women to greatness.
XOXO
❤️
Rox.
